My name is Christy Murphy and this website is designed to help all women who are going through or has gone through Domestic Violence.  Specifically to ones who do not know Domestic Violence is also mental and emotional abuse.  You do not have to have the physical abuse first to be considered as a victim of Domestic Violence.  This website is designed to educate women who have not experienced the physical abuse to get help BEFORE this happens to you.  Often it is too late :(    I want this website to be there for you when you feel "stuck" and alone due to the "lack of assistance" out there who feel you have to have the physical abuse in order to get assistance.  That is exactly how I had felt.   Here is my story.....

I was swept away in my previous marriage by someone I was looking for (in my subconscious mind) to take care of me.   He was IT!   He had showered with me gifts and always took out me out on the town.

Now a quick flashback during this time about me...I didn't date at all during my teen years due to my strict upbringing so I didn't have much relationship experience.  Okay back to my story...

We had talked every day, spent a lot of time together and celebrate our monthly dating Anniversaries with cards.

During our dating years I noticed at time he would go completely quite to not speaking at all during our whole date.  Wouldn't reply to anything I had said nor would reply to me asking what was wrong.   There would be weeks that had gone by without hearing from him.   Of course, I always being the young girl at 24 wanted to please everyone and always felt that I must have done something way my fault.

After a few weeks had gone by, he would call like nothing had happened and I never questioned him for his recent actions because I was so glad and relieved to hear from him.   I was thinking, "Oh, yes we are back on again...things are going to work out."    This didn't just happen a few times the cycle had begun.

Later on I was at his house during my visit and had walked in his office and it looked like there had been "anger" involved in the office.....everything I had seen looked liked it was it was one of one angry person beyond the temper.

Fast forward of the dating years, we had married.  Early in the married years or right let me say right after the honeymoon, I was told things like:  "I have several women in mind that I would like to have....."I do not love you anymore."     I cried like a baby and the shock of hearing that didn't really resignate because of the shock of hearing someone who once had swept me off my feet....I couldn't fathom someone one speaking to me like this.

The verbal and emotional abuse continued for 12 years with the following:    "You're fat."  "You're an idiot."  "You're stupid."  "You're a bitch." "You never do anything right." "No one would love you."  "You better do this/that or else."  "Poking at my stomach from just having our 1st child, "What is that?" "No one would hire you."    Words like this was daily, weekly, yearly and  silently chipping at my self esteem and emotional/mental state.......Little did I know this was the begining of my website title, "Domestic Violence More Than Bruises." was being created.   The "bruises to my brain...the inside of my head....the bruises one can't see....bruises to my mental and emotional health were forming....This is called "Verbal, Mental, and emotional Abuse.

Only 1 year after our marriage, I had come home to my toy poodle that had been put in a "kitten's crate."   I lifted the door and opened it.  My toy poodle yelped out with pain not able to walk due to his front legs apparently had been injured.   I had taken him to the Vet against my then husband's will.   They suspected Animal abuse immediately by replying to me what I had come home to,  "Something smells rotten in Denmark."    They had suspected my husband but couldn't do anything without proof.   Naive as I had been I had believed the story my then husband had told me....something fell on my poodle....

Not long after this incident....other incidents had followed immediately....teasing my other poodle to the point of peeing on herself and crying.   I had enough and took my poodles to stay with relatives for a while.   Every time I had confronted my then husband there was a "I don't remember what happened." 

Eventually I had brought the poodles back but the abuse started back on me.......Verbal put downs had continued taking a toll on me emotionally/mentally.   I then became pregnant and the abuse with me got worse....He had gotten mad over me letting someone borrow our shampooer and thus broke it literally to pieces then screamed at me, 7 months pregnant to pick up.   I ran to our room and locked the door, comforting my unborn child for having to listen to what had happened in my womb.   I was so worried about what would happen to me and our unborn child....I didn't retaliate....just kept quiet sobbing in our room.

There were moments where he would put his finger and dig around in my belly button while I was 6-8 months pregnant.   There had been an incident where he was feeling on my stomach a baby movement and when the baby kicked because she didn't like how it felt he would make sure to repeat every time.   I would lay there not moving because I was afraid what he would have done.

Fast forward, I had been involved in a cult religion, Jehovah's Witnesses and eventually left.  I had been thirsty searching for Christ.  Every book about Jesus I would bring home would be thrown out.   I remember bringing home Rick Warren's book:  "The Purpose Driven Life" and it too it had been thrown out.   The cross I would wear I would get yelled out and told, "Take that off!".

By this time I had 2 small children and we weren't allowed to celebrate the holidays nor go to church.   When the verbal put downs...and other forms of mental and emotional abuse continued around my children......I decided I had enough.    We had been separated for a short while until I did what I could to come back home because his mental state was getting worse and I was concerned for the safety of my children.

When I had come back home the abuse car keys had been taken away......things out of my closet were disappearing....many other things were happening.   It escalated to the point where that night the 12 years of mental/emotional abuse turned physical...........

He had suffered for years with mental issues and things went wrong.   I was up all night begging him to let me take him to the hospital.  My children just so happen to be at their grandparents house for the weekend.    While trying to talk him into getting help he turned to me and while putting his hands on my shoulder told me:  "I am sorry what I am about to do to you."   The next thing I know is I had been thrown against a tiny wall 3 times which left an imprint of my body inside the wall, a hair to the left or right were beams and if had hit them I would have had serious injuries.   After thrown against this wall 3 times....I had passed out....As I woke up coming to....I noticed I was laying on the floor by the back door and leaned over and pulled it open.  He then choked me and passed out again.   I really don't remember much but bits and pieces.  The next thing I remember was being in front of the same wall I had been thrown against....I didn't notice my imprint of body left in the wall until I had come home from the hospital.   Being in front of the wall, I had told him you can go now.  I will not stop you.   He replied, "No, you are going with me."   He walked me out of the kitchen into our garage which the garage door just happened be open.   I stopped him and said I was going with him but needed to tie my tennis shoes.  I didn't have tennis shoes I had mules/slides on.  Picture below.  As soon as he let go of my arms behind my back I came up and ran as fast as I could.  I had jumped over the retaining wall in our front yard and went 2 doors down to the neighbors.  I got help and the police had been called.  I looked back and he was in the car speeding away. 

The police had been called but what took them so long for getting to me was they had been called on the scene where he had been....I had been told by the police with eye witnesses that he had driven to the side of the road.  He had walked out in front of an 18 wheeler with his arms in front of his face.....If he had successfully gotten me in the car I wouldn't be here today."

Just a few days before all this happened, I was so tired of the daily chaos I had prayed to Jesus,  "If you just get me out of this marriage, I promise you I will serve you for the rest of my life.....I had no idea that all of this would take place just 2 days later.   After surviving that night,  I then told Jesus this...."You saved my life not my life is yours."

This was all 11 years ago and today my children and I are serving Christ and doing well.   I have remarried and in a healthy marriage.   My children and I had received counseling and continue to do well.

My mission is to help other women.   You see in the social media, media and really everywhere where the physical part is mentioned in Domestic Violence and is focused on but not really the emotional/mental abuse so I have decided I will educate.  There were so many times I had been turned away for seeking help and told, "We can't help do not have the bruises."   Waiting on the Bruises most of the time is too late.  That is why by educating women on the mental/emotional abuse will save someone's life.

For all you women out there this isn't my story.....this is "our story."

The next couple of pages will be resources and charts to help.   The chart "Cycle of Abuse" is something I wish I had known about earlier.

Thank you to everyone who has taken to read my story.  Please share it will save a life.

Peace and Love:

Christy :)

Christy Murphy